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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Abandoning Your Children: New "Redefinition" of Motherhood

I read an article posted to my Yahoo! email homepage last week which was about narcissistic women who chose to abandon their young children in order to achieve moonbat "self fulfillment".

The article tried to justify what these ex-moms had done by making the false claim that it's OK when men do it. Looks like someone didn't get the memo about the fact that deadbeat dads are not considered paragons of virtue.

One of the women featured in the Yahoo! Shine piece also wrote an article at Salon defending her choice and she also went on the Today show to extol the virtues of her transformation from traditional mother to absentee mother to part time mother.

Another became a self proclaimed "spiritual adviser" after ditching her kids to move thousands of miles away and "find herself". She says that electronic communication enables her to occasionally hear about her children's lives without her, so that makes her a good parent.
"‪Now we stay in touch by phone, IM, Skype a few times a week," she says. "I hear about their lives and give support.‬"
I wonder how the kids that were left behind by these women feel about their new fangled "redefinition" of motherhood? There are some things that you just can't do over Skype... You can't kiss booboos, wipe away tears, tuck them in at bedtime or hug and kiss them a million times a day - and I don't care what anyone says, those things are important!

There is a great post over at Daffey Thoughts about this that I think sums it up quite nicely:

An author embraces the ultimate in narcissism

And a media outlet goes gaga.  Not surprising.  The dangling carrot of our dying civilization, the thing that keeps people pressing on toward the ethics of our inevitable doom, is the promise that by focusing exclusively on ourselves we will find ultimate meaning in life.  That our meaning is defined by us focusing on us to the exclusions of all those not-us people in the world. 

It's an intoxicating proposition that has been around for ages.  To think I am the single most important person in the world second to none is appealing to say the least.  Now don't get me wrong.  What Rahna Reiko Rizzuto did is up to her.  I personally find it indicative of the worst, most sickeningly cancerous thinking in our modern world.  But what gets me is the piece itself. 

It's clear that the writer of the Shine article is gushing over her decision to divorce her husband and abandon her kids so she can spend a life completely focused on herself.  This isn't a woman who decided she doesn't want to be a mother, and so avoids having children at all costs.  This is a woman who is a mother who, half way around the track, decides she doesn't want to be one and takes the necessary steps.  Naturally, she says everything is better for it.  Her relationship to her kids, her life, everything.  Personally, I've always been of the feeling that if you improve a relationship by abandoning it, that says more than you want to about your role in the problems..  But that is neither here nor there.

What caught me, in Shine's slobbering adoration of her story, was the typical ability the media has of justifying its hallow promises by setting up untrue realities.  Take this little snippet:
"It also goes against our culture's definition of motherhood. But it shines a light on a glaring double standard: When a man chooses not to be a full-time parent, it's acceptable—or, at least, accepted. But when a woman decides to do so, it's abandonment."
I'm sorry, I missed where, in our culture of despising the delinquent dad, the absent father, the runaway male, that men are somehow off the hook for being a part time dad.  Part time meaning, in this case, essentially abandoning the wife and kids to lead a life focused exclusively on self.  Can someone tell me when this has happened that everyone has said, "Hurray! well done fellow!"?  I can't either.  Read the rest
You don't need to run away from your life and fabricate a new one to "find yourself", just look in the mirror: you are right there. If you don't like what you see, do something about it, but not at the expense of your children; they are only young once and that time is fleeting, don't miss out on it!

Most kids don't grow up lamenting that they wish their parents had spent LESS time with them, and most parents don't look back wishing that they'd missed more of their kids' childhoods. Wouldn't you rather have treasured memories of your time together instead of just some emailed photos of what you missed?

UPDATE: This post was kindly linked to and quoted from at Daffey Thoughts, thanks, Dave! 

UPDATE: This post is in the recommended reads list at Pundit & Pundette, thanks, P&P!

UPDATE: This post is mentioned and linked at Blue Jeans and Lace, thanks, Tlchimes!

UPDATE: This post is linked at On the Other Foot, thanks, Joel!  

UPDATE: This post is linked at Capitalist Preservation, thank you, Will! 

UPDATE: This post is listed in Larwyn's Linx at Doug Ross, thanks, Doug! 

UPDATE: Pundette has a great post about the collapse of the family & has linked to this post. Thanks!

UPDATE:  This post is linked at That Mr. G Guy's Blog, thanks, Mike!

UPDATE: This post is linked at adeliemanchot, thanks, Adelei! 

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MattRoss said...

They sure will go to great lengths to justify immoral behavior, won't they?

Zilla of the Resistance said...

That's freaky. I always love my pets as if they were my own kids, but never expected others to see my dogs and cats as anything other than my dogs and cats. I have kids now, I still love my pets, and so do the kids, but I'm not going to call my mom to tell her the cute thing the cat did today the way I will when my kids do something really cute.
I think you're onto something though with the way demands are being made to 'redefine' traditional definitions of family.

Justin said...

Profoundly true, Zilla! I've often wondered if the denigration of motherhood is not directly tied to the elevation of pet-having. What I mean is, I notice that many of my friends and acquaintances who don't have children are the same ones who virtually DEMAND that I speak of and respond to their pets AS IF THEY WERE ACTUAL CHILDREN...they try to have conversations as if their dog and my kindergartener were basically of the same class. This seems to be more evidence of how would-be social engineers trying to tinker with the meanings of words like "family," "marriage," "children," etc. is leaving more and more of the culture without a stable and coherent worldview.

alohasteve said...


Zilla of the Resistance said...

Glad you liked it, Steve. Glad to see others are talking about it as well, so much evil just goes ignored in our society, and not talking about it only encourages it.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

I agree, I don't see how those kids benefit at all from having to spend time with a mother who gets on TV and talks about how she doesn't want them and how great it is that she abandoned them.

alohasteve said...

Thank You for posting this! We've been all over this issue on Common Cents:

Blackiswhite said...

Actually, when I saw the Today clip with this wretched piece of human offal last week, a lot of what she said sounded like justifications and excuses that she tells herself daily so she isn't dwelling on the catestrophic mistake she made in choosing herself over her children, and I was saddened to hear that she and her ex-husband had come to some visitation arrangement.

When you leave so you can stop being a mother, I can't see how visitation actually enriches the kids' lives.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

They can't teach if they ain't there.

Always On Watch said...

Wow. No wonder we're seeing a bullying problem in our schools. Mothers aren't teaching their children any better.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Hi Matt. Sickening, isn't it?

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Thanks, Mike, will update my post to link your link to me. :)

Mike said...

Linked you. Great article.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Thanks, Angel!

Angel said...

Looks like someone didn't get the memo about the fact that deadbeat dads are not considered paragons of the post Zilla ..ah those juicy rationaliations eh!!

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Thank you for reading and sharing your insights, Pat. We are creating an entire society of broken people and it does not bode well for the future.

Pat said...

Sadly this "mother (monster)" won't be around to see the seeds of her selfishness. The children of dead-beat dads are paying the price, no matter how fast single mothers work to make up for them. Having worked in an elementary school and then university setting most of my life, I have seen the direct impact these feckless men have on their offspring. Thanks for the post - and all the great discussion!

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Well said, Melinda. By failing to call out their shameful behavior for what it is (and worse, actually praising it), people are simply enabling evil.

Melinda Moss said...

Great post! We need to get back to the basics in this country and return to the fact that children need to be raised by both a mother and a father. You can certainly raise children together even if you are divorced. I am disgusted by the attitude expressed by these lazy, irresponsible women. Society needs to speak up and tell them to get "get real" along with all the dead beat dads. This would start with the families and friends of these lazy, irresponsible mothers and fathers, and be supported wherever they went in society. Everything has to be done at the "local" level to be effective. It needs to start at home.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Geez, I'm sorry you married such a heartless bitch. In her selfishness she went and made a generational legacy of broken people. I feel bad for your granddaughter. You're a great guy, they all don't know what they are missing.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Our sick society rewards bad behavior, ridicules virtue and glorifies evil. It's like we ended up on the wrong side of the looking glass.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Oh Joel, I am so sorry for what you and your daughter have been through. When I became a mom, my heart got really squishy for all children, I am sad for the boy you once were and for your little girl. I hope that you and she will find healing for those terrible wounds which neither of you should ever have had to suffer.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

I understand that some marriages don't work out, and sometimes good people (male and female) end up at the crap end of a custody battle, but most parents would fight like hell to stay in their children's lives, because they are aware of how badly kids need their parents. It's a big ole ugly world out there, Mom & Dad are supposed to be your refuge from all of that, the place where you know you are loved unconditionally, no matter what.
These "moms" who leave to "find themselves" never will, because they have walked away from the most significant parts of themselves that they will ever have.
And those who choose to deny their children the right to have their fathers in their lives (unless dad is dangerous) are just as bad. Kids need their parents, there is simply no way around that.

SignPainterGuy said...

It sounded a bit familiar to start but I couldn`t quite put my finger on it until I read, "Her decision to divorce her husband and abandon her kids so she can spend a life completely focused on herself." This is remarkably like my ex ! At that point I remembered the words, "I`m tired of doing for other people !" that she said shortly before she left me , but she took our Daughter ! She`s a control freak afterall ! And our Daughter is a real piece of work now....... with an 11 yr. old Daughter of her own......out of wedlock !

Keiko said...

I agree with everything you said. These women don't know what they're missing. They don't know how to enjoy and relish their children, and motherhood. Motherhood is offensive to them. More and more we are even seeing women who have children with no father. These women are the EXTREME cases who think they can "have it all" and "do it all", but they end up with even less time for their children than the average working mom with husband. These deliberately-single moms then realize they can't do it all, so they supplement their childcare with babysitters and tutors. I know one such woman personally and she openly describes her life as "dysfunctional". She does this with a straight face, no shame, no embarassment. But I digress. The reason these abandonment-moms hate motherhood is because they never learned to value themselves as women. It's the only answer. If you don't value yourself as a woman, how the hell can you value ANY role that stems from your womanhood...namely being a wife (which they also hate) and mother? And this is a Leftist phenomenon. You don't see Conservative women abandoning their children and their marriages.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

My mom went back to work after her youngest (me) started school, but she was always there for us when we needed her. She took hours that allowed her that. But my mom did it to help make ends meet, not to "find herself", because my mom always knew who she was. I think that makes a difference.
In my humble opinion, being mommy IS the greatest calling for my life, I haven't "lost" any bit of myself, quite the opposite actually - I've grown as a person more than I ever would have known possible and finally understand what other moms used to say about the kind of love that you can't really explain until you feel it yourself. My kids are made up of all the best parts of me and their daddy, I can't tell you how many times a day I just stop and think about how lucky I am to get to be their mommy. I better stop before I go all mushy on ya, but I just love their little faces so much!
Sure they drive me nuts sometimes, but what has me wanting to pull my hair out one day has me laughing about it the next when I tell my mom or best friend what happened because kids do really funny stuff.
Those women who walk away truly don't know what they are missing. It's sad for them, but really, just heartbreaking when I think about their kids.

RedCarolina said...

omg.. she's getting an award for her book?

joel said...

My dad ran off with a fifteen-year-old when I was six. My daughter's mother left her on her fourth birthday, then her stepmother on her seventh Mother's Day. Nobody who's been abandoned by a parent - or raised a child who was - can read that article without nausea.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

Very well said!

just a conservative girl said...

There is a huge difference from walking away from a marriage that isn't working and moving to the other side of the country. I don't know many men that have completely walked away from their kids. Matter of fact I know more than a few that put up a great deal from the ex wife just so they can stay connected to their children.
In a perfect world once you have children all marriages would be happy. But it isn't a perfect world. I can live with a woman saying she didn't want to stay in an unhappy marriage, but it another story altogether to walk away from your kids. It is too late once you have brought them home from the hospital to change your minds. Thank heavens for these kids that they have dads who have stuck it out. At least one parent realized their responsibilites for their choices are more important than "finding yourself".

Keiko said...

This all started with full-time working moms who were determined that they could "have it both ways". But then full-time work turned into "late at the office most nights" and all the kids got from their moms were weekends....that is, when the moms weren't throwing the kinds into one activity or another which created yet MORE time the mother didn't have to directly deal with her offspring. So it's no wonder that the next step was to abandon the children altogether in pursuit of "self". These self-centered loser clowns have spent the last 45 years working up to this moment. Baby steps, don'tcha know? BTW, everything described in this article is exactly what Barack Obama's mother did to him. And look what a screw-up he is.

Zilla of the Resistance said...

It really reminds me of how leftists used to excuse everything Barry did with, "But Bush did..."

Jantitus said...

I always get concerned when women start acting as stupid as men and justify that reality by saying, "Men do it so it's ok for me, too."

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